13 Common Cognitive Distortions

A motto I live by: Don't believe everything you think.

I think this principle is crucial to overall happiness, simply because the human brain has a tendency to make predictable errors which, left unchecked, contribute to distress. We call these errors cognitive distortions. They result from mental short-cuts that evolved to help us manage the volume of incoming information, and therefore allow us to function more effectively.

Except when they don't. It's unfortunate, but true, that these short-cuts seem to favor negative thoughts - perhaps as a way to ensure survival by preparing us for the worst possibilities. However, while we usually do survive, these negative thoughts can dampen our mood, and interfere with effective action.

When this happens, notice what you're thinking, and be on the lookout for these common distortions:

1) Assuming: 

Assuming the worst without evidence, and without testing the assumption. We tend to act on our assumptions, and limit our opportunities as a result. More balanced thinking considers other (more positive) explanations.

Examples: “I know I’m going to fail, so I’m not even going to try.” 

“She didn’t call me back. She must not want to be friends.”

2) Shoulds: 

Demands we make of ourselves and/or others. We may think should statements motivate us, but really they just make us feel inadequate when we are (predictably) imperfect about following them. More balanced thinking replaces “should” with things like “could,” “it would be nice if” or “I want to.”

Examples: “I should be thinner.” “I should exercise.”
“I should be the perfect student or employee.”

3) Fairy-Tale Fantasy: 

Expecting life to live up to an ideal. Statements like “It’s not fair!” or “Why did that have to happen?” are really saying that the world should be different. In reality, bad and unfair things happen to good people – sometimes randomly, sometimes because of others, and sometimes because of our own choices. To expect the world to be different is to invite disappointment and unhappiness. Replacing “should” with “it would be nice if” can work here, too…along with acceptance of “life on life’s terms.”

Examples: “It shouldn’t be so hard to meet people.” “People should be more considerate.”

4) All or Nothing Thinking (Black or White Thinking): 

Thinking about things in extremes, using absolute categories: If it’s not black, it must be white.” This kind of thinking fails to recognize all the possibilities in between black and white (the grey area).

Examples: “If I’m not the best, I’m a failure.” “If I’m not the prettiest, I must be ugly.”

5) Overgeneralizing: 

Deciding that a negative experience is a never-ending pattern that describes your life completely. Overgeneralizing makes you feel worse, and is inaccurate because it overlooks all the times things have been and/or will be different/better.

Examples: “Nobody likes me.” “I ruin everything.” “I always end up relapsing eventually.”

6) Labeling: 

Calling yourself (or others) a name, as if that word describes the person completely. Labels oversimplify people (who are complex, and have strengths and limitations), and also overgeneralize (e.g., describing the whole person based on a single behavior). If you have to use labels, label behavior, not people. (e.g., “that was a silly thing to do,” rather than “you’re silly”).

Examples: “I’m such a loser.” “I’m disgusting.” “What a jerk.”

7) Dwelling on the Negative: 

Focusing on the negative aspects of a situation, while ignoring the positive aspects. When you do this, soon the whole situation looks negative. Instead, actively look for positive or neutral things that you might be missing

Examples: “Someone criticized me, so the whole day is ruined.”

“How can I enjoy myself when my children have problems?”

8) Rejecting the Positive: 

While dwelling on the negative just overlooks positives, this distortion actively rejects and negates positives. You come up with reasons why the positive things don’t matter.

Examples: “I just got lucky – it has nothing to do with my abilities”
“Anyone could have done that – it was nothing.”

9) Unfavorable Comparisons: 

This is like having a special magnifying glass that magnifies some things (your negatives, other people’s positives) and shrinks others (your positives, other people’s negatives). You compare your out-takes with someone else’s highlight reel. Instead, try recognizing everyone (even yourself) as having unique strengths and weaknesses. If you have to compare, try to comparing evenly – include both favorable and unfavorable comparisons.

Examples: “She’s thinner, so she’s prettier; who cares if I have nicer hair?”
“She is more successful because she runs more; who cares if she’s unemployed?”

10) Catastrophizing: 

This involves both assuming the worst case scenario, and telling yourself you can’t stand/handle/cope with it. However, the reality is that, while the situation may be uncomfortable and challenging, we really can stand anything that doesn’t actually kill us. Stop and ask yourself how likely it is that the worst will really happen, whether you are likely to survive it, and if so, come up with some strategies to cope.

Examples: “I can’t tolerate having an urge without acting on it.”
“I couldn’t stand it if he broke up with me.”

11) Personalizing: 

Seeing yourself as personally responsible for negative events that are beyond your control, or more responsible than you really are for problems to which youmay have contributed. Every event becomes a reflection of worth (or lack thereof). Instead, distinguish between those things you can control, those you can influence but not control (e.g., others’ behavior), and those over which you have no influence or control. Also look for other, external influences (e.g., maybe she hasn’t called because she has a lot going on, not because she is angry with me”).

Examples: “It’s my fault my relationship failed.” “She hasn’t called; she’s angry with me?”

12) Blaming: 

The opposite of personalizing, blaming puts all the responsibility for your difficulties on something outside yourself. The problem with blaming is that it leads us to think about ourselves as victims who are powerless to cope. Balanced thinking acknowledges both outside influences and personal responsibility.

Examples: “You made me relapse.” “Having a bad childhood ruined my life.”

13) Making Feelings Facts: 

This distortion involves taking your feelings as proof of the way things really are. Since feelings result from thoughts, and thoughts are often distorted, feelings also do not reflect objective reality. Stop and check the thoughts behind the feelings to see if you may be seeing things in a distorted way. Changing thoughts changes feelings.

Examples: “I feel ashamed. I must have done something wrong.” “I feel worthless, I must be worthless.” “I feel fat, I must be fat.”

Based on: Schiraldi, G. R. (2001). The Self-Esteem Workbook.

Weight-y Stereotypes

I spend a lot of time telling clients that "people, as a species, are terrible at mind-reading." And, in general, I really do believe that we are notoriously inaccurate when it comes to reading minds.

Typically, I say this kind of thing when a client is assuming that someone is judging them negatively. Now, I work primarily with eating disorders, and people with eating disorders spend a lot of time comparing themselves to other people - but, almost exclusively, compare what they see as negative about themselves to what they see as positive about others. They also tend to assume other people are making similar comparisons, and recognize their inferiority. Because my clients spend so much time thinking that others share their negative view of themselves, I end up talking about mind reading quite often. 

However, it turns out that my clients' mind-reading may not be as inaccurate as I have chosen to believe. 

There was a segment on the Today Show this week on "the secret ways women judge each other." It presented some disturbing findings about the assumptions we make about each other's character, based solely on weight and appearance. With only their appearance to go on, women were much more likely to describe heavy women as lazy, sloppy, undisciplined, and slow, while describing thin women as conceited, superficial, vain, self-centered, mean, and controlling. AND, women used these descriptions regardless of their own weight - so heavy women still described other heavy women as lazy, sloppy, etc, and thin women described other thin women as conceited, superficial, etc.

This kind of internalized stereotype has a negative effect on our relationships with each other, and contributes to negative self-image and negative body-image. And, as we know from various types of discrimination, widely held negative stereotypes often do leak into our behavior. When it comes to weight, heavier women face very real discrimination, especially in employment, where they are less likely to be hired, and make on average $6,000 (yep) less a year, controlling for all other variables. Think about it: the stereotypes for heavy women don't suggest professional excellence.

Of course, when it comes to clients with eating disorders, mind reading is still inaccurate, since they are not viewing their bodies accurately, and therefore make inaccurate assumptions about how others see them. However, I have a new understanding of where this mind reading comes from: if we're all making so many unfounded judgments about each other, it's really no wonder people get a little paranoid about how they're being judged!

I still think mind-reading is dangerous - assuming we know what anyone else is thinking can contribute to negative mood states, and misjudged actions. However, a real solution needs to address the underlying problem - our tendency to judge and make comparisons rather than showing compassion. That's what we, as a society, should really be focused on changing!

The Mental Filter

Our brains really are amazing tools. They take in and synthesize incredible amounts of information, coming at them from every direction, all of the time. Think about just the sensory information - we are surrounded by sounds, visual stimuli, texture, taste, smell, temperature, movement around us.... Then, on top of that, we have memories, interpretations, concepts, goals, values, to-do lists, relationships...and innumerable other things.

If we registered all of this information, we'd constantly be on mental overload. Again, think about sensory information. Have you ever had the experience of entering a room and noticing a bad smell, but then after a little while not being able to smell it anymore? When sensory information isn't changing, our brain decides that we don't really need continued awareness of it, and begins to filter it out. That's why they make those air fresheners called "noticeables," which alternate between two scents so that you can still smell them!

We don't have to think about filtering out information in this way - our brain just does it. That's usually good (since the point is to lessen our sense of mental overload), but it's also kind of scary: your brain is deciding what information to give you, and what not to give you, without your conscious participation. If it can filter out one of your five senses, what else is it filtering out?

Quite a lot, as it turns out. In fact, the mental filter is one of the more problematic cognitive distortions. The cliche "you see what you want to see" is actually not far off. It may be more accurate to say "you see what you expect to see." What happens is that our brains register our expectations, and then, as they're screening incoming information, screen in information consistent with our expectations, and screen out contradictory information. If your expectations are realistic, this is useful; however, if they are distorted (for example, by a belief in your own lack of worth, or the world being out to get you), competing information would be helpful.

Unfortunately, the brain is more geared to problem solving than anything else, so it tends to look for potential problems. Therefore negative information seems more likely to be screened in than positive information - further contributing to pessimistic expectations, assumptions, and behavior. Denial may be an exception - when it would be too painful to acknowledge something, our brains screen out confirming evidence, often resulting in a more positive view than is warranted. The end result is the same, however: behavior that does not take the complete picture into account, and therefore may not be fully adaptive to reality.

How else do you see the mental filter operating?