Positive Thinking

The mind is a funny thing. It's amazing what power our thoughts can have. Repeatedly, studies have shown that the way people think about a problem or situation contributes immensely to whether the outcome is positive, negative, or neutral. Positive expectations, interpretations, and remembrances strongly influence coping and resilience.

Thoughts serve as a filter for information, filtering in information that is consistent with our thoughts, and filtering out information that is inconsistent with them. As a result, our expectations shape how we perceive an experience. Expecting positive things to happen means that we are primed to notice positive things as they occur. Similarly, expecting positive outcomes makes us more likely to act "as if" those outcomes were going to happen...and that, in turn, actually makes our desired outcomes more like to occur. Negative expectations are more likely to fuel avoidance and procrastination.

Interpretations are the meanings we give to circumstances and experiences. We take in the "raw material" of life, and our minds automatically seek to make sense of it - to fit it into the mental story we have about ourselves and our lives. There are invariably multiple possible interpretations of any one event or experience. The interpretation we use shapes our emotional and behavioral responses, and also tends to filter out aspects of the situation that are inconsistent with that interpretation. When we interpret things in a positive light, we feel more positive emotions, and respond with more positive behavior.

Finally, the way we remember things shapes how we feel about our experiences, how we cope with them, and whether we rebound or even grow from difficult experiences. Our thoughts serve as filters that determine what aspects of a situation (positive, negative, neutral, or a mix) are remembered and recalled when we think about the experience. While remembering negative things can be helpful in learning from them, remembering predominantly negative things contributes to discouragement, depression, anxiety, and avoidance.

While nobody thinks positively all the time, thinking more positively than negatively fosters better mental health. In fact, even when a positive perspective is less "realistic" than a negative or neutral approach, research shows that positive thinkers feel and function better. So, practice positive thinking: expect positive things to happen, look for more positive ways to interpret your experiences, and be sure to remember the positive aspects of those experiences!

Healthy Humor

In honor of April Fool's Day yesterday, I thought I'd write a little bit about humor. You may have heard, and have probably experienced, some of the benefits of humor. Laughter, our physical response to humor, is good for body and mind. It relaxes our muscles, improves our immune function and circulation, lowers stress hormones, and triggers the release of endorphines - chemicals that make us feel happy.

Beyond this happy, content feeling, humor and laughter improve mental health by counteracting negative moods like depression and anxiety, dissolving stress, and changing our perspective (in a more positive direction). Positive psychologists have linked humor to resilience. Psychodynamic theorists agree, but call it a "mature defense." It's a defense because it can be used to protect ourselves from pain and discomfort, and it's "mature" because it allows painful and socially unacceptable feelings and wishes to be overtly experienced and expressed in a way that is manageable and unthreatening. In fact, laughing at ourselves and our problems is often the best medicine. Too often, we catastrophize - see things as more dire than they really are - which can lead to depression and anxiety, and leave us less able to respond effectively. In constrast, humor helps us feel better, think more positively, and therefore respond more effectively.

Finally, humor improves our social functioning. It improves relationships, makes us more spontaneous and less defensive, enhances teamwork, and defuses conflict. However, there is a caveat: especially on April Fool's Day, when people may play tricks on each other, it's important to remember that humor at someone's expense (someone else's or our own) can be hurtful, and damage relationships and self-esteem. That would be unhealthy humor!

If you want to improve quality of life, physical, emotional and social health, consider adding some humor to your day:

• Watch a funny movie or television show
• Read the comics
• Smile or laugh, even if it feels like going through the motions (yes, this does work!)
• Spend time with children, pets, or other playful people
• Play
• Laugh at yourself
• Look for the humor or irony in your problems

Where else do you find humor?

3 Things You Should Do Everyday for Good Mental Health

There are things you do everyday to keep yourself physically healthy: get enough sleep, eat your vegetables, exercise, take vitamins or medication.... What are you doing to keep yourself mentally healthy?

Of course, physical health is a good start toward mental health, and not taking care of your body increases your emotional vulnerability. However, not taking care of your emotional health also takes a toll on your body. Think about the physical effects of stress: it raises your blood pressure, lowers your immune functioning, and is linked to symptoms such as headache, body pain, digestive problems, asthma, and eczema, among other things! If you want to be healthy, mental health has to be part of the equation.

To boost your mental health, make three things a priority in your daily schedule:

1) Have some fun

Yep, fun is part of the prescription for good mental health. We all need some enjoyment in life, to counteract the stress we all experience, and boost the chemicals in our brains and bodies that make us feel good. If you're wracking your brain to figure out what "fun" is, here are some ideas: spend time with friends, go for a walk, spend time in nature, watch a comedy, read a novel, go to the movies, play or watch sports, do something creative, do a puzzle or play a game, play with kids or pets, listen to music....

2) Do something that makes you feel competent

Feeling competent, successful, or productive provides a feeling of mastery and boosts self-esteem. Building some success into each day protects against the inevitable, less-successful experiences. Feeling in control in one area protects against the many, many things that are out of our control. It doesn't have to be a major success, and competence does not require perfection. Think outside the box, and notice the small successes: finishing the crossword or sudoku, getting the laundry all folded and put away, cooking a favorite dish, engaging in a hobby you're good at....

3) Do something that feels meaningful

We all need to feel that our lives have meaning and purpose. It helps our mental health to tap into our sense of purpose by contributing or giving back in our own ways. Some people do this through their work (therapists, for example), or their children. Others volunteer, participate in religious/spiritual activities, and/or contribute to their communities. What people choose depends on what feels meaningful to them - it's individual.

What examples can you come up with for each of these activities? What can you add to your day today to meet your needs for enjoyment, mastery, and purpose?

The Grass is Always Greener...

How many people are spending the evening watching the Academy Awards? (For those of you who live under rocks, that's the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences annual awards for the film industry, also known as the Oscars). Films, and the people involved in them, are nominated for various awards, ranging from best picture, to best actor and actress, to behind-the-scenes participants like screenwriters and soundtrack. Then, everyone who is nominated gets glammed up and attends the awards ceremony to find out who won.

Much of the media focus is on the "red carpet," which serves as an opportunity to scrutinize the biggest names in the film industry (in other words, "movie stars") as they enter the venue. Tomorrow morning's "news" will tell us who was wearing whom (as in, what designer), who looked great and who...didn't, who was poised and who made a gaff of one sort or another. Hair, makeup, teeth, shoes, handbags, significant others...nothing seems to be off-limits. 

Why are we so fascinated with the film industry's "celebrities?" 

I think it has a lot to do with a lingering dissatisfaction so many people have with their own lives. A song from Disney's Pinocchio captures the phenomenon:

The grass is always greener in the other fellow's yard
No matter what your life may be, you think your life is hard
If we could pick and choose, and nature wasn't a factor
Here's a bit of news: I'd pick the life of an actor

We look at the wealth, luxury, "fame and fortune" that come with success in the film industry and, well, we get jealous. Particularly in this economic climate, when so many people have problems related (directly or indirectly) to cash-flow, it's easy to envy the rich and famous. How much easier would life be if we didn't have to worry about student loans, or car payments, or mortgage payments, or foreclosure, or health care costs...etc? 

Actually, from my outsider's perspective, it usually doesn't seem like the rich and famous are any happier or more satisfied with life than the rest of us. In fact, sometimes it seems like they are often less so. If we think about the number of famous cases of addiction (drugs, sex, gambling - all kinds of addiction), eating disorders, self-harm, domestic violence, divorce, arrests, and untimely deaths...it all points to a remarkable discontent among our so-called "celebrities." 

Why might the rich and famous not be enjoying their riches and fame? Beyond the cliched answer that money doesn't buy happiness, it probably has something to do with the pressures of being under constant scrutiny, with strangers passing judgment on everything about them, along with a sense of entitlement (they think they should be happier than is realistic, perhaps), easy access to vices, and a celebrity culture that sanctions unhealthy behavior.

In turn, average people see the glitz and glamour and think that, if they had all that money, fame, and power, all their problems would be easy to resolve. We don't stop and ask ourselves what we would do after solving our current problems - what new problems we would create for ourselves if we found ourselves rich and famous. 

Instead, maybe the answer is to practice contentment, not in spite of our problems, but in the midst of them. To accept that a certain amount of discomfort and even pain are part of life...and are actually ok, that we can be happy anyway. To value what we have and find meaning in what we do now, instead of creating an image of someone else's "perfect" life, against which we'll always fall short. Let's give up on having green grass, stop comparing, and start connecting to one another. That's where life's value comes from.

Learning to Play

When I ask clients what they enjoy, the vast majority stare at me blankly. Indeed, for many/most people who have had mental health problems for any period of time, the idea of "fun" seems a little far-fetched. People may be too depressed to enjoy anything, or not have the energy or motivation, or be too constricted by anxiety, or too preoccupied with compulsive/problem behaviors...etc. 

Yet, I keep asking the question for the simple fact that having positive experiences, no matter what those experiences are, provides some antidote to suffering. Even though we can't often make people's suffering "go away," we can change it, or even dilute it, with its opposite. I use the metaphor of paint: I can't take the blue out of blue paint, but if I add some red, I can turn it into purple. The Positive Psychology movement is rooted in this idea.

As a result, I see it as not only legitimate, but down-right important, therapy to help clients find ways to build in positive life experiences - in other words, to help them learn to play. If I get a blank stare when I ask clients what they enjoy, I ask what they used to enjoy, when they were doing well, or before the problem started, or when they were young. I also ask if they ever thought something sounded interesting or enjoyable, even if they've never done it. With both questions, I'm looking for any kernel of interest that could be cultivated into a positive activity (i.e., a hobby or pastime). For the fun-challenged, Marsha Linehan compiled a useful list of "adult pleasurable events" in her DBT skills manual.

My supervisor, who is a psychoanalyst, would never pursue this line of inquiry with a client...unless the client was psychotic. For psychosis, however, he considers one of the most beneficial interventions to be helping the client organize themselves around a "project" - an interest that can be cultivated to organize thoughts, structure daily life, and provide a sense of purpose and meaning. I think we all need those things.

Sometimes I help clients learn to play by modeling humor, playfulness, imagination, curiosity, and yes, even actual play. This isn't always appropriate - therapy has more serious than playful moments, after all - but when timed correctly, can break through some of clients' barriers to fun.

It is, of course, true that the biology of problems such as depression make it physically difficult to have fun. However, researchers have found that, while people with depression expect not to have fun (and therefore don't do fun things), they are actually able to have fun when they "go through the motions" of doing potentially enjoyable activities. Similarly, "going through the motions" of life by structuring time around activities (what CBT calls "behavioral activation") can produce improvements in mood similar to medication.

Do you think adding positive experiences should be part of therapy? If so, how do you go about it?