Positive Thinking

The mind is a funny thing. It's amazing what power our thoughts can have. Repeatedly, studies have shown that the way people think about a problem or situation contributes immensely to whether the outcome is positive, negative, or neutral. Positive expectations, interpretations, and remembrances strongly influence coping and resilience.

Thoughts serve as a filter for information, filtering in information that is consistent with our thoughts, and filtering out information that is inconsistent with them. As a result, our expectations shape how we perceive an experience. Expecting positive things to happen means that we are primed to notice positive things as they occur. Similarly, expecting positive outcomes makes us more likely to act "as if" those outcomes were going to happen...and that, in turn, actually makes our desired outcomes more like to occur. Negative expectations are more likely to fuel avoidance and procrastination.

Interpretations are the meanings we give to circumstances and experiences. We take in the "raw material" of life, and our minds automatically seek to make sense of it - to fit it into the mental story we have about ourselves and our lives. There are invariably multiple possible interpretations of any one event or experience. The interpretation we use shapes our emotional and behavioral responses, and also tends to filter out aspects of the situation that are inconsistent with that interpretation. When we interpret things in a positive light, we feel more positive emotions, and respond with more positive behavior.

Finally, the way we remember things shapes how we feel about our experiences, how we cope with them, and whether we rebound or even grow from difficult experiences. Our thoughts serve as filters that determine what aspects of a situation (positive, negative, neutral, or a mix) are remembered and recalled when we think about the experience. While remembering negative things can be helpful in learning from them, remembering predominantly negative things contributes to discouragement, depression, anxiety, and avoidance.

While nobody thinks positively all the time, thinking more positively than negatively fosters better mental health. In fact, even when a positive perspective is less "realistic" than a negative or neutral approach, research shows that positive thinkers feel and function better. So, practice positive thinking: expect positive things to happen, look for more positive ways to interpret your experiences, and be sure to remember the positive aspects of those experiences!

Persistence

Persistence. The dictionary defines it as continuing "steadfastly or firmly in some state, purpose, course of action, or the like, especially in spite of opposition." While sometimes equated with being annoying or stubborn, being persistent is in fact a character strength.

I learned about persistence at a young age. Growing up near Niagara Falls, we learned that originally there was no Falls - the Niagara River created the Falls as it eroded layers of rock formation. Then, when the Falls developed, they weren't at the present location, but quite a bit further East. The river has continued to erode the rock, and the Falls have moved an average of 3 feet West per year. Engineering efforts have managed to slow this erosion to 1 foot a year - but not to stop it. Eventually, the rock will erode all the way to Lake Erie, and the Falls will no longer exist.

From Niagara, we learn that while rock may seem stronger than water, water wears away rock through persistent effort over time. The same lesson applies to our lives. The one who prevails (in all sorts of endeavors) is often not the one who initially seems strongest, but rather the one who is most persistent.

Persistence is a vital part of resilience. Remember that resilient does not mean free of problems, but able to overcome or grow from them. Nobody is free of problems. The trick in life is to persist in spite of problems - to outlast them.

Persistence is something we try to help our clients embody...but it's also something we frequently need ourselves. Of course, I've known this all along, but  have come to appreciate it more fully by watching my supervisor in action. When she feels strongly about a course of action, she is indefatigable in her persistence. She takes this approach in advocating for clients' needs with intractable insurance companies, and in advocating for the program's needs with money-conscious upper management at our company.

And she gets results. The key seems to be the combination of patience (knowing that change people's minds takes time), confidence in her stance, and diligence in keeping the issue on the table. While I can be tempted to catastrophize and abandon what seem like losing battles, I have also learned that persistence pays off. Sometimes that means keeping on in spite of fears - or even evidence - that it's a losing battle. Acting "as if" the desired outcome will happen may be the key to getting the desired end result.

Character Counts

I saw the movie "The Blind Side" for the first time over the weekend. There are many things I could write about it, but following on the heels of Memorial Day, I was most struck by a particular part of the movie.

The main character, Michael Ohr, has to write an English paper about Tennyson's poem "Charge of the Light Brigade." The poem describes a battle in the Crimean war where the miscommunication of an order led to a charge by British cavalry that resulted in many casualties. Michael focuses on the following stanza:

"Forward, the Light Brigade!" Was there a man dismay'd? Not tho' the soldier knew Some one had blunder'd. Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die. Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred.

Here is what Michael has to say about it: "Didn’t at least one of the six hundred guys think about giving up and joining with the other side? I mean, Valley of Death, that’s pretty salty stuff. That’s why courage is tricky. Should you always do what others tell you to do? Sometimes you might not even know why you’re doing something. I mean, any fool can have courage. But honor, that’s the real reason you either do something or you don’t. It’s who you want to be. If you die trying for something important then you have both honor and courage and that’s pretty good. I think that’s what the writer was saying; that you should try for courage and hope for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some, too."

Personally, I think Michael's piece is pretty "salty stuff." Courage and honor are values at the heart of the military. But Michael's question is an important one: when faced with an order we don't believe in, what do our actions say about us?

Now, I know I would have been a terrible soldier, precisely because I spend too much time asking "why," and respond to most "orders" with skeptical resistance. In contrast, soldiers are expected to follow orders, with the complementary expectations that officers give orders responsibly. They "try for courage, and hope for honor." Various scandals have made it plain, however, that neither condition is always met.

It's not as simple as Michael would like it to be, however. Social psychology research like the Milgrim experiment and Stanford prison study demonstrate how even "normal" participants can be convinced to respond cruelly to others, out of obedience (Milgrim) or group mentality (Stanford). In fact, these studies are frightening because of how easy it was to get participants to engage in inhumane behavior.

The take-home message, I think, is that we all have to work together to be vigilant against dynamics of  group identity, power, and authority that may not be...honorable. Checks and balances is one safeguard, as is education focused on moral development. For example, Kohlberg's stages of moral development suggest that, as people progress in moral development, they move away from just following the rules, to look at the intent, and ultimately a commitment to the principle of justice over and above law (which can be unjust). Even when it would be easier to just follow rules or orders, honor and courage demand that we follow our conscience. Character counts.

Are You Being or Becoming?

In the book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck suggests that how we think about our capabilities plays a significant role in how far our abilities stretch. She refers to these ways of thinking as "mindsets."

We're often taught a particular mindset early in life - what Dweck calls the "fixed mindset." Actually, what is "fixed" isn't the mindset. Instead, the fixed mindset involves the belief that our capacities - tendencies, traits, talents - are "fixed." In other words, our strengths and weaknesses are predetermined from birth, and life is about "being" what we already are. Success, therefore, depends on learning to play to our strengths, and compensate for our weaknesses.

As a result, many of us try really hard (without seeming to) to prove that we "have it," whatever "it" is - intelligence, creativity, athleticism, musicality, and various other types of acumen. Through this lens, success involves proving yourself (or your innate ability, anyway), and failure results from a lack of innate ability. Even having to work at something can be taken as a sign that you don't have enough talent. The outcome, rather than the process is what matters, and that outcome has significant bearing on your perception of worth and identity (are you a "success" or a "failure"?).

Fortunately for all of us imperfect folk (in other words, all of us), there is an alternative - what Dweck calls the "growth mindset." The growth mindset assumes that we can always learn and grow from where we are now, without fixed barriers to what we can "be." If we're willing to work at it, we will continue to evolve in a process of "becoming."

Success is therefore redefined - we succeed when we stretch and grow, working hard creates our talents and abilities, and the only failure is when we stop trying to grow. When we are unable to do something (what the fixed mindset sees as failure), it's about "doing" rather than "being" - in other words, it's not a threat to our identity. What matters is what we are able to learn from the experience - process is more important than outcome.

As you might imagine, this growth mindset has a lot of potential to eliminate some of the barriers we create for ourselves in a fixed mindset. It protects our sense of self, while motivating us to keep trying to grow.

So, are you being or becoming?

Healthy Humor

In honor of April Fool's Day yesterday, I thought I'd write a little bit about humor. You may have heard, and have probably experienced, some of the benefits of humor. Laughter, our physical response to humor, is good for body and mind. It relaxes our muscles, improves our immune function and circulation, lowers stress hormones, and triggers the release of endorphines - chemicals that make us feel happy.

Beyond this happy, content feeling, humor and laughter improve mental health by counteracting negative moods like depression and anxiety, dissolving stress, and changing our perspective (in a more positive direction). Positive psychologists have linked humor to resilience. Psychodynamic theorists agree, but call it a "mature defense." It's a defense because it can be used to protect ourselves from pain and discomfort, and it's "mature" because it allows painful and socially unacceptable feelings and wishes to be overtly experienced and expressed in a way that is manageable and unthreatening. In fact, laughing at ourselves and our problems is often the best medicine. Too often, we catastrophize - see things as more dire than they really are - which can lead to depression and anxiety, and leave us less able to respond effectively. In constrast, humor helps us feel better, think more positively, and therefore respond more effectively.

Finally, humor improves our social functioning. It improves relationships, makes us more spontaneous and less defensive, enhances teamwork, and defuses conflict. However, there is a caveat: especially on April Fool's Day, when people may play tricks on each other, it's important to remember that humor at someone's expense (someone else's or our own) can be hurtful, and damage relationships and self-esteem. That would be unhealthy humor!

If you want to improve quality of life, physical, emotional and social health, consider adding some humor to your day:

• Watch a funny movie or television show
• Read the comics
• Smile or laugh, even if it feels like going through the motions (yes, this does work!)
• Spend time with children, pets, or other playful people
• Play
• Laugh at yourself
• Look for the humor or irony in your problems

Where else do you find humor?

3 Things You Should Do Everyday for Good Mental Health

There are things you do everyday to keep yourself physically healthy: get enough sleep, eat your vegetables, exercise, take vitamins or medication.... What are you doing to keep yourself mentally healthy?

Of course, physical health is a good start toward mental health, and not taking care of your body increases your emotional vulnerability. However, not taking care of your emotional health also takes a toll on your body. Think about the physical effects of stress: it raises your blood pressure, lowers your immune functioning, and is linked to symptoms such as headache, body pain, digestive problems, asthma, and eczema, among other things! If you want to be healthy, mental health has to be part of the equation.

To boost your mental health, make three things a priority in your daily schedule:

1) Have some fun

Yep, fun is part of the prescription for good mental health. We all need some enjoyment in life, to counteract the stress we all experience, and boost the chemicals in our brains and bodies that make us feel good. If you're wracking your brain to figure out what "fun" is, here are some ideas: spend time with friends, go for a walk, spend time in nature, watch a comedy, read a novel, go to the movies, play or watch sports, do something creative, do a puzzle or play a game, play with kids or pets, listen to music....

2) Do something that makes you feel competent

Feeling competent, successful, or productive provides a feeling of mastery and boosts self-esteem. Building some success into each day protects against the inevitable, less-successful experiences. Feeling in control in one area protects against the many, many things that are out of our control. It doesn't have to be a major success, and competence does not require perfection. Think outside the box, and notice the small successes: finishing the crossword or sudoku, getting the laundry all folded and put away, cooking a favorite dish, engaging in a hobby you're good at....

3) Do something that feels meaningful

We all need to feel that our lives have meaning and purpose. It helps our mental health to tap into our sense of purpose by contributing or giving back in our own ways. Some people do this through their work (therapists, for example), or their children. Others volunteer, participate in religious/spiritual activities, and/or contribute to their communities. What people choose depends on what feels meaningful to them - it's individual.

What examples can you come up with for each of these activities? What can you add to your day today to meet your needs for enjoyment, mastery, and purpose?

Mastery

Mastery is a sometimes elusive sense of competence, success, and/or achievement. It comes when we engage in any activity (work, hobby, household task, etc.) and get positive results, meet or exceed our own expectations. It's an important ingredient in mental health, and reduces emotional vulnerability to life's inevitable difficulties.

While it sounds simple, it's unfortunately not for the vast majority of client's I've seen.  Some have limited opportunity for mastery due to socioeconomic status, too many demands on their time, and/or multiple psychosocial stressors. Others do not experience themselves as competent, regardless of their ability levels, due to low self-esteem and/or perfectionism. Some have areas of competence but are impeded from pursuing them by low energy and motivation, high anxiety, etc. All of the above are missing out on a key resource for recovery and longer-term health.

Sometimes clients' symptoms actually offer them some sense of mastery. For example, weight loss creates a feeling of success in clients with eating disorders, and following particular rituals perfectly may offer a feeling of competence to someone with OCD. In these cases, mastery is a double-edged sword: its power as a reinforcer may strengthen the symptoms we're working with clients to change. As a result, it becomes even more crucial to help clients find something other than the symptom through which they can experience mastery.

The need for mastery applies to therapists, too. However, while work is a core source of mastery for many people, therapy perhaps offers fewer opportunities to experience mastery than other fields might. The work we do is definitely not concrete, rarely visible or measurable, and change happens slowly. While there are those breakthrough moments that are exhilarating to witness and leave us with the feeling that we're making a difference, there are also many moments where the results are much harder to recognize. Many of the therapist I know compensate by finding mastery in other areas (e.g., hobbies or family roles), and a surprising number even find comfort in the "busy work" of the job - paperwork, data entry, even adding labels to charts.

Is mastery an issue for your clients? Do you address it in your work? If so, how? Where do you find your own sense of master?

Positive Self-Talk

"Positive self-talk" is a practice touted in pop psychology and self-help resources, and parodied by sit-coms and talk-show hosts. While all this hype makes it easy to discount the practice, the hype exists because there's something to it - underneath the public image, positive self-talk really does help people feel and function better.

I actually think people mock positive self-talk because it makes us uncomfortable. We're embarrassed to say positive things about ourselves, and afraid to "jinx" anything by saying positive things about the rest of our lives. We're also loathe to delude ourselves into thinking something positive (about ourselves or anything else) that isn't "true." Clients experience the same barriers. However, discomfort lessens with practice (rather than avoidance), and "positive" doesn't have to be "Pollyanna." There are plenty of positive things that are absolutely true, and it's often enough for self-talk to be just a bit more positive than our usual thinking.

That said, I think of positive self-talk in two main categories: Affirmations and Aspirations. 

Affirmations affirm what is already true. That includes things you might not usually recognize or acknowledge, might minimize or otherwise discount. For example, you might affirm that you are intelligent, compassionate, funny, etc. You can also affirm your values, ideals, and commitments. Mottos fall into this category, such as "it is what it is," or "where there's a will, there's a way." Likewise, people affirm their commitment to recovery, with self-talk such as "recovery is hard, but I can do it," or "I am moving toward health." Perhaps the most famous illustration of affirmations is "The Little Engine That Could." Affirmations balance out all the self-criticism most of us engage in, make us more hopeful, more likely to take action toward goals, and better able to bounce back from set-backs. 

Aspirations verbalize things that might not be true yet, but toward which you aspire. They tap into your hopes and ideals. You might think of a goal as if it's being achieved, for example "I'm landing a great job," or express qualities you aspire to as if you've attained them, for example "I am confident" or "fearless." These sorts of aspirations can be found engraved on stones or jewelry - totems of sorts. Aspirations can be give you an infusion of motivation and optimism to continue working toward those things to which you aspire. 

What do you think about positive self-talk? How do you use it (with clients or yourself)? Are there other forms you can think of?

An Attitude of Gratitude

Since it's Thanksgiving, it seems appropriate to talk about the role of gratitude in mental health. One of the ways that stressors take a toll on mood is through negative thinking. When we start to catastrophize ("This is awful! What am I going to do? I'll never be able to resolve this problem!"), magnify ("This part of my life is a mess, so my whole life is a mess"), label ("I'm a failure"), jump to conclusions ("I'm never going to get a job"), or engage in other cognitive distortions, we (unsurprisingly) feel discouraged and depressed. To add insult to injury, clinical depression, and other mood and anxiety disorders, cause changes in the brain that make this kind of negative thinking more likely.

Trying to catch these thoughts and reframe them using a more balanced (i.e., less negative) perspective can help - but so can intentionally thinking positive thoughts on a regular basis. False optimism isn't that helpful...but practiced awareness of and gratitude for the things that are positive in our lives can lessen symptoms of depression and anxiety, and contributes to overall resiliency in the face of life stressors. 

Sometimes that's easier said than done. When everything seems to be going horribly, and your brain is skewed in a negative direction, things to feel grateful for can be elusive. Everyone has something...but it really does take practice to identify. Enter the Gratitude Journal. Different people use a gratitude journal in different ways. In high school, my guidance counselor had me list five positive things about my life and five positive things about myself each day. When I first started, I couldn't come up with five, but over time I got better at it...and was therefore more mindful and aware of what was good in my life. Other strategies are listing three or five things you're grateful for overall, or that give you hope, or (if worse comes to worse) that could be worse but aren't. An online search will suggest additional options, and there are also gratitude lists published online that can help with brainstorming if you're stuck.

For example, I'm grateful for: my health, friends, a good job, a great landlord, safe and stable housing, my cat, my car, supportive colleagues, a sunny day, my down coat, hot chocolate, gingerbread, time off for Christmas.... I could keep going, but that seems like a good list for today.

What are you grateful for? How do you maintain an attitude of gratitude during difficult times?

To Become An Optimist, Learn Your Alphabet

I wrote a few days about about the different thinking patterns of optimists and pessimists. Here's the promised part two, on changing pessimism to optimism (i.e., Learned Optimism).

Martin Seligman uses the acronym "ABCDE" (but D is the key to learning to be more optimistic):


A = Adversity
The process begins when we encounter some form of adversity (or, really, anything circumstance or event that is less than ideal - adversity is just a convenient "A" word).

B = Belief
Because our brains think all the time, we quickly begin thinking about the adversity, and applying subconscious pessimistic (or optimistic) beliefs to interpret what has happened.

C = Consequences
These thoughts and beliefs have a direct impact on how we feel (emotional consequences) and how we act in response (behavioral consequences). If the beliefs are optimistic, we respond resiliently. If the beliefs are pessimistic, we may respond less effectively, often by lashing out, or giving up.

D 
Here's the key to learning optimism: Once we notice pessimistic beliefs, we can take some steps to keep these beliefs from determining our feelings and actions
   
     D = Distraction
     We can stop the pessimistic thought by substituting some other thought - an image, a puzzle or riddle, numbers, an object we see/hear/taste/smell/touch.... Sometimes it helps you distract if we tell ourselves we'll think about it at a specific later time, or even write down the thought and actually set it aside to think about later.

     D = Distancing
     It also helps to remind ourselves that thoughts and just thoughts, beliefs are just beliefs - they are NOT necessarily facts. It's important to step outside pessimistic beliefs and expectations to be able to check their accuracy based on facts.

     D = Disputation
     The art of challenging the veracity of pessimistic beliefs by arguing against them, similar to how we argue with someone else...only harder because we're arguing against our own thoughts.

          1) Evaluate the evidence - What proof do we have for our pessimistic belief? Since these beliefs are usually over-reactions, there may not be much evidence to confirm them, and there may actually be evidence that the belief isn't true.

          2) Consider alternatives - there are usually multiple causes for adversities, and multiple possible interpretations of any group of facts. See if there are any possible causes or explanations for the event that are NOT personal, pervasive, or permanent.

          3) Reevaluate the implications - even if there is evidence to support the pessimistic belief, maybe it's not as dire or catastrophic as you initially think. Consider how likely the worst-case-scenario is, and consider evidence that might balance it out

          4) Ask yourself if the belief is useful - even if it's true, is it doing us any good to believe it? Is it helping us function effectively in the world? If not, it may be better to distract, distance, or brainstorm ways to change the situation, rather than dwell on the negative.

E = Energization
Pessimistic beliefs tend to sap our energy and motivation. However, if we are able to dispute, distract, and/or distance ourselves from these beliefs, we are likely to feel a bit better - more motivated and energetic, and better able to respond adaptively to whatever the problem is.

How do you practice "D" strategies? Are there places you and your clients seem to get stuck with this type of intervention? What works best for you?

Avoiding the P's of Pessimism

We all know that the ways we think about things have a powerful influence on our emotional reactions, lasting mood states, and ability to cope. This is especially true in the face of set-backs.

In Learned Optimism, Martin Seligman describes how optimists and pessimists think differently about such things - something he calls their "explanatory styles." Specifically, he identifies three ways that we explain things that happen to us that influence how resilient we are:

1) Permanence 

Pessimists believe the causes of set-backs are permanent, and therefore that bad things will keep happening. You can tell these kinds of thoughts because they contain words like "always" or "never." In contrast, optimists see the causes of set-backs as temporary or situational; their explanations include words like "sometimes," "this time," or other qualifiers. As a result, optimists are more likely to try again after a failure.

The reverse is true when explaining good things that happen. Optimists attribute good things to permanent causes, such as traits or abilities. Pessimists attribute good things to transitory causes - unusual luck, someone else's mood/effort/error, the phase of the moon. As a result, optimists are more likely to keep trying after a success, while pessimists tend to stop trying, seeing the success as a fluke.

2) Pervasiveness

Pervasiveness refers to how much a bad (or good) event in one area of life colors your perception of other areas - for example, does failure at work make you feel like a failure at home. Pessimists use universal explanations for a failure, and therefore feel hopeless about success in any area of their lives. Words like, always, all, never, none, and references to traits are a tip-off. In contrast, optimists are more likely to attribute a failure to a specific cause, about the particular circumstance or area of their lives, and therefore continue to feel hopeful about success in other areas. For example, they may attribute work failure to a bad job, a bad economy, or choosing the wrong profession, while still expecting to succeed in other fields or settings.

Again, the reverse is also true: optimists tend to explain success in universal terms, and a success will result in further efforts and more positive expectations in all areas of life. In contrast, pessimists attribute successes to specific causes, and therefore do not feel any more hopeful about other endeavors.

3) Personalization

Pessimists tend to blame themselves for the bad things that happen (and often have low self-esteem, as a result). In contrast, optimists tend to blame bad things on external events, and so don't feel any worse about themselves when bad things happen. And the reverse: optimists take responsibility for good things that happen - see them as the result of personal factors - while pessimists attribute good things to external factors. Therefore, good things boost the self-esteem of optimists, but don't affect the self-esteem of pessimists.

The good news is that these patterns of thinking are learned - and can be unlearned! More to come on what Seligman has to say about becoming an optimist.